Well, it’s a late night tonight. I can’t really sleep and well I felt a sudden urge to write come on and I figured this is always the best place to splurge about. A few updates about whats going on here since the return to America. Hm let’s see…well school is chugging along now. I managed to squeeze through the nine weeks with a ‘C’ in Pre Cal and at this point I’m just looking to pass and graduate so that was a good grade. I feel like since returning I’ve lost a certain spark about me. Maybe it was Germany, the life, the people and the major amounts of fun. Even days at the house when I would help my host mom whip up a salad or when she would dance around the house crazily ( I would post videos, but I promised not to). Those were the days.
For now I live day to day thinking about the mundane things here lately prom and sorts and how much I don’t care for them much. Although right now things have turned around and will be so for the next two weeks or so. A really great friend of mine from Germany is here to visit me and even though so far we’ve been stuck around here it’s just nice to have her around. It makes me feel like…well that it was just a dream that I woke up from. It also makes me feel, well, special. I mean she chose to come her as a birthday present. If that doesn’t make ya feel special then I don’t know what does. I mean seriously! I’m just hoping right now that I get to show her around SC a little more. I think from our two days stuck at this house that she has gotten to know it well and…yeah there isn’t much to do now. We’ll see though.
Of course, Jenni being here is the dominant thought on the down times, such as now when she’s asleep, I go back to my mundane thinking. I have to say though that since she’s been here I have been thinking more about Germany and how much I really do miss it and my life style there. Sometimes I think that well…I like it too much and that this is even a bad blog for CIEE since I’ve fallen so in love with my host country that I talk about missing it more than how I’m coping >.< But that I am doing.
Being back is definitely more of a challenge than raising the money and getting to Germany ever was. Now that I’ve experienced such freedom and having so much to do in my free time in Germany, being here in a small town lacking of everything I had there is getting to me. I guess before it didn’t bother me as much just because I had never experienced anything else, but now it’s becoming unbearable. This is also starting to…suffocate my personality as well. Not being able to get out and do what I love to do is just causing me to become a grumpy old fart. Things are slowly going back to their old way and well I know sometimes it’s good, but not in this case. Relationships are once more being strained and well my thoughts are becoming more and more negative. I know that it is both me and the people around me at fault, but I wonder what it is about me that causes me to be so. Seeing as I can only fix my side of the problem I think I should figure this out quickly, but at the same time do I really want to? I just think I need to get back to Germany. Even if things aren’t the same as before when I was an exchange student; I will be away and being my own person which I know I can do better there than I ever have here. It’s like…starting over which is good sometimes, especially depending on your past and how much of it was out of your control. And no it wouldn’t be running away in my book.
So now that I have ranted randomly a bit about well…feelings clouding me I think I’ll wrap this up. Hopefully, I’ll be posting another new blog in the next few weeks covering what Jenni and I did in our time together here on the other side of the ocean. Until then I hope everyone takes care and that Spring arrives soon for everyone like it has here!
Kurtimus
